Ever wonder how NBC keeps churning out fresh, new “Law & Order” episodes after 20 years? Well, now you can write one yourself! Just follow these 10 easy steps!
STEP 1) Start with the voiceover introduction: “In the Criminal Justice System the people are …yadda yadda yadda”. Then, insert that weird “chung chung” noise. What is it exactly? Who the fuck cares? When you hear it, you know shit is about to go down.
STEP 2) Now start with either A) Two people walking and laughing, B) Two people walking and arguing, or C) A cosmopolitan woman with a runaway dog. Have said people or dog discover the body of dead person. Uh oh! A crime has been committed!
STEP 3) Have your cops arrive on scene, and make a pun about how the victim died. Be creative! If your victim was Wall Street tycoon who fell to his death, try “Looks like the stock market isn’t the only thing that fell”. More puns = more fun!
STEP 4) Reveal your “ripped from the headlines” story. Find a news story, and tweak it just enough so that NBC won’t get sued. Instead of a story about a singer like Britney Spears shaving her head, create a story about an actor like Britney shaving her head.
—Development Hell: How to Write a Law & Order Episode (There are 10 steps total)