Criminal Economics by Eric Beetner – review

Criminal Economics opens with armed robbers Slick and Bo sitting in the back of a paddy wagon on its way to prison, i.e. the place the two will call home-sweet-fucking-hell for the next quarter century.  Bo ratted on Slick when he was caught shortly after their last job where they took $642,000 off a bank, so you better believe Slick is looking to stick a shiv up Bo’s ass first chance he gets.  When the paddy wagon, making its way through a heavy storm, suffers a brutal crash that leaves the two cops in the cab dead, Slick is able to break free and shove the transport van over the edge of the cliff on which it has come to rest, Bo still trapped inside.

Slick wants to make it back to his girlfriend Emma’s place and take off for the Caymans with her and the stashed dough, but getting there will be a far more Herculean task than he could ever have imagined.  Also, Emma herself has different plans upon hearing Slick has escaped, thinking she should get the fuck outta dodge before Slick can reach her, but a pervy half-wit housemate and a horny cop keep getting in her way.  Meanwhile, Bo has survived the fall and has a horrifying odyssey of his own to survive before he can snatch up his share.

If you read Eric Beetner’s Dig Two Graves (which, you know, you fucking should) you’ll know dude serves up crime just the way Nerd likes it: down, dirty and dripping with fucking blood.  Over roughly twenty-four torturous hours our three main characters are constantly making it out of one frying pan of sizzling piss only to land tits up in a blazing shit-fire, chapter after chapter.  The body count hits two from the first pages and steadily rises from there until its glorious final confrontation, every death more depraved and gross than the last.  Beetner writes with tension to spare and the story is fucking marinated in his sick sense of humor, making this gleefully nasty noir fly by in just a few sittings.  If this bloody beast ain’t your cuppa, the Nerd is tres-fucking-confused as to why you read his reviews in the first place.  Now if you excuse me, all these half-thought-out food metaphors have made me hungry as hell…

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Nerd of Noir

I love crime/noir fiction, comics and movies. I think my opinions are web-worthy. Then again, what asshole doesn't think that their opinions deserve a blog?

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About Nerd of Noir

I love crime/noir fiction, comics and movies. I think my opinions are web-worthy. Then again, what asshole doesn't think that their opinions deserve a blog?

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